Most people who have spent more than 10 minutes talking to me know that I have an undying love of television - specifically trash. My husband used to shake his head while I devoured crap like "Rock of Love" or "Laguna Beach" lamenting that I was giving the TiVo herpes. But lately, I am having trouble relating to - and therefore relishing in - the adventures of teens and tweens. So, I have canceled the season pass for Teen Mom and added one for quite possibly the worst, and yet most amazing, thing I have ever watched: Bravo's Princesses Long Island.
For those of you who are unfamiliar, Princesses is the answer to the question (no one asked) "What were these awful housewives like when they were single?" Princesses is also notable, because its cast is made up of single Jewish girls on Long Island, all of whom still live at home with mommy and daddy. It features all the worst stereotypes about the ladies of my tribe. They are spoiled, vapid, gossip-y, and materialistic. They are also obsessed with finding a nice, wealthy, Jewish husband. In fact, the 27 year old (named Chanel - who refers to herself as "Coco" when she wants to get down) has had multiple crying fits and even met with her rabbi about the fact she isn't yet married. She's 27, but she carries on like she's 47 and all her eggs have dried up and her youth is behind her. Not to play into anything here, but oy vey! As for the rest of the cast, the youngest is 26 (and dating a 38 year old who is so painfully and clearly gay) and the oldest is 30. Allow me to give you a visual of the 30 year old:
She is in tears, because the other girls are "being so, so mean to" her. During a day at the winery, a confrontation erupts between Ashlee (above) and Joey. Joey lives on the south shore of Long Island, which I guess means she is solidly middle class instead of upper middle class? Although, when Ashlee ventured to the south shore in an earlier episode, she acted as if she was on skid row. Anyway, Ashlee thinks Joey is trash and a bad person - and has told her and all their coven of friends as much. When one of the other princesses (who, incidentally used to bear the title of "hottest girl on Long Island") wants Joey and Ashlee to have it out before continuing their girls' day on her daddy's yacht, all hell breaks loose. For reference, here is what a decade has done to the hottest girl on Long Island:
After Joey repeatedly says that Ashlee doesn't matter to her and she doesn't want to talk to her, Ashlee says "your mother was right about you" and storms off to cry to mommy and daddy and beg them to let her take a jet home. I wish I was making this up. Oh, Ashlee feels totally justified, because Joey called her "funny looking," during an earlier confrontation. According to Ashlee, who just told this girl her mom was right to sever her relationship with her daughter, calling someone funny looking is "disgusting." Not since high school have I witnessed such melodramatic bullshit. Also, at 30, maybe it's time to get some thicker skin, not run home to mommy and daddy when someone says they don't like you, and learn to handle interactions with people like a 30 year old - not a 13 year old.
THESE WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS! Some of them are dying to have babies. I think most of the girls featured on 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom are more ready for motherhood than these mishegana ladies. At least those girls have jobs, which is more than I can say for half of the Princesses.
So, why do I watch? Maybe because comparing my life to theirs makes me feel like I am an adult and capable of dealing with the big life decisions that lie ahead. Maybe it makes me appreciate the fact I have a career, a husband, and make my own way in life. Or, maybe I just love a televised guilty pleasure. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to clear Here Comes Honey Boo Boo off the TiVo before it causes an outbreak of TiVo herpes!
For those of you who are unfamiliar, Princesses is the answer to the question (no one asked) "What were these awful housewives like when they were single?" Princesses is also notable, because its cast is made up of single Jewish girls on Long Island, all of whom still live at home with mommy and daddy. It features all the worst stereotypes about the ladies of my tribe. They are spoiled, vapid, gossip-y, and materialistic. They are also obsessed with finding a nice, wealthy, Jewish husband. In fact, the 27 year old (named Chanel - who refers to herself as "Coco" when she wants to get down) has had multiple crying fits and even met with her rabbi about the fact she isn't yet married. She's 27, but she carries on like she's 47 and all her eggs have dried up and her youth is behind her. Not to play into anything here, but oy vey! As for the rest of the cast, the youngest is 26 (and dating a 38 year old who is so painfully and clearly gay) and the oldest is 30. Allow me to give you a visual of the 30 year old:
She is in tears, because the other girls are "being so, so mean to" her. During a day at the winery, a confrontation erupts between Ashlee (above) and Joey. Joey lives on the south shore of Long Island, which I guess means she is solidly middle class instead of upper middle class? Although, when Ashlee ventured to the south shore in an earlier episode, she acted as if she was on skid row. Anyway, Ashlee thinks Joey is trash and a bad person - and has told her and all their coven of friends as much. When one of the other princesses (who, incidentally used to bear the title of "hottest girl on Long Island") wants Joey and Ashlee to have it out before continuing their girls' day on her daddy's yacht, all hell breaks loose. For reference, here is what a decade has done to the hottest girl on Long Island:
After Joey repeatedly says that Ashlee doesn't matter to her and she doesn't want to talk to her, Ashlee says "your mother was right about you" and storms off to cry to mommy and daddy and beg them to let her take a jet home. I wish I was making this up. Oh, Ashlee feels totally justified, because Joey called her "funny looking," during an earlier confrontation. According to Ashlee, who just told this girl her mom was right to sever her relationship with her daughter, calling someone funny looking is "disgusting." Not since high school have I witnessed such melodramatic bullshit. Also, at 30, maybe it's time to get some thicker skin, not run home to mommy and daddy when someone says they don't like you, and learn to handle interactions with people like a 30 year old - not a 13 year old.
THESE WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS! Some of them are dying to have babies. I think most of the girls featured on 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom are more ready for motherhood than these mishegana ladies. At least those girls have jobs, which is more than I can say for half of the Princesses.
So, why do I watch? Maybe because comparing my life to theirs makes me feel like I am an adult and capable of dealing with the big life decisions that lie ahead. Maybe it makes me appreciate the fact I have a career, a husband, and make my own way in life. Or, maybe I just love a televised guilty pleasure. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to clear Here Comes Honey Boo Boo off the TiVo before it causes an outbreak of TiVo herpes!
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