At the ripe old age of 31, there are several things I have officially become too old for. Fortunately for me, I know I have aged out of the items below. I pity the people in their mid 30s or beyond who have yet to come to terms with the end of their 20s and carry on as if college never ended.
1) Wearing anything seen on the non-parent cast members of Pretty Little Liars, 90210, or other CW and ABC Family shows.
2) Drinking to get wasted. I like alcohol but not for the reasons I used to. I enjoy the taste of wine, beer, or a well-crafted cocktail. If you can't taste what you're drinking, you've had too much.
3) Related to 2: drinking cheap alcohol. As you age, hangovers become more frequent. Don't bait a hangover by drinking cheap, crappy booze.
4) Participating in the team Edward vs team Jacob debate (or perhaps more current team Peeta vs team Gale). It's one thing to enjoy a good book or movie (and for the record, I think Twighlight was neither), but it's a little ridiculous to get invested in the love lives of fictional characters.
5) Befriending the office intern. You can be nice, but you cannot and should not hang with them socially. And, you should never hook up with one. It's just sad.
6) Dying you hair purple or green or blue or pink. I'll allow a shocking fake red, but Crayola colors are for teenagers.
7) Using the term YOLO UN ironically.
8) Having a crush on Bieber, the boys from 1D, or any other non threatening male teenager that looks sort of girly.
9) Pigtails.
10) Not having self confidence. Being awkward is part of growing up. And growing out of it is a right of passage. If you project confidence and give an air that you know what you're doing, people will believe it. And maybe eventually you will too.
I feel like my 30s are about coming into my own. And each item on this list feels like an attempt to make an impression or fit in. Well, I finally learned that fitting in is overrated. I'm just sorry that it took me more than 30 years to realize it.
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